Monday, September 7, 2015

the filly




i'd hired him for the day and i didn't realize how young his horse was- a baby really. as the day wore on, his frustration with the animal and her emotional sensitivity grew to the point where he was jerking her head violently and digging angrily into her sides with his spurs. finally when she balked and caused him to slip off, he grabbed handfuls of dirt and threw it into her eyes as he kicked her until she cried out like a child. i rode my own horse up to him and grabbed the reigns from his hands. 'okay, we're done for the day. how much for your time and the horse?' he was swearing in spanish and i understood enough of it to know that he was going to beat the animal within an inch of its life the moment he was out of my sight. he reached for the filly and she grabbed the skin on the neck of my own horse with her teeth to keep from being pulled away. 'no, really, i want the horse. how much?' he was seething with rage. 'it's not mine, it's my friends i can't sell it.' 'call your friend,' i said calmly. 'i want to buy her.' javier looked at me for the first time since being thrown and now i could see he was calculating his own profit. 'tell your friend you lost the horse,' i said. 'it will be a secret.' javier grimaced what was supposed to be a smile and I could see that all of his teeth were edged in gold. 'okay, i make a deal with you.' he said. 'good, get some water while i put the horses away.' i let the terrorized filly follow my horse and only gently held her reigns as i walked the animals to the safety of the barn. i put them in the same stall and slipped off their tack. i said soft words to my old boy jack and told the filly not to worry. when i walked backed out javier had already loaded his gear into the truck. we negotiated briefly and he laughed in cruel agreement when i stopped the price because i said he was going to kill her anyway. i stood and watched until the trailing dust from the truck was only a distant wisp. i looked at my dogs and said, 'that's an enemy, guys. bite him if he comes back.' they all appeared to understand. i walked back to the barn to bed the horses down for the night.

Friday, September 4, 2015

The Ladies Committee



it wasn't something i had wanted to do, but once i'd been roped in i decided to give it my all. peter had just finished touring and all of his hand-painted gorgeous silk panels were available to me, so i called in that chit. he had his crew spend the day installing them at the venue. when they finished, the effect was utterly breathtaking. peter and i stood in the back of the theater and marveled at the transformed space. the reconstructed skeletons of dinosaurs that belonged to the museum standing in front of the impressionistic mosaic of layered and compressed earth evoked a feeling of time travel. peter and i spoke of flow and beauty. everything felt right. The Ladies Committee came in as a group and sat in the seats in the very back row. they didn't 'understand' how impressionistic compressed earth related to dinosaurs. they wanted 'something more literal- no, cute!'. what? clicking tongues and small minds made a mockery of the magnificence. i felt my face turn to fire. peter knew me well enough to take my arm and walk me away. he signaled his crew to start disassembling the panels as he did his best to talk me back to calm. i glared at The Ladies Committee. they looked like stupid, overfed sheep in daytime pearls and poplin. i wanted to shred them with my fluent and profane longshoreman patois. peter finally said, 'they're not like us, don't waste your breath, girl.' i squeezed my eyes tight and nodded agreement.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

something naive not quite dead



the event was huge and i was enjoying myself, but i had found a small perch above the chaos and felt happy to be quiet and simply watching for a few moments. i scanned the hall and looked over all the fine details of the room. i was glad for paul and sara that the played out 'steam punk' element i had tried to talk them out of was working beautifully (just enough to be ironic). i didn't realize i was smiling until my eyes met with the grinning face of a very tall, bearded man standing still in the center of the floor. when i realized he'd been watching me, i laughed- which set him laughing and soon the shared laughter was the helpless kind. i let myself fall into that laughter until i was holding my sides. as i wiped the tears from my face, he gestured for me to come down. well then, right. i climbed down and made my way toward him. as i drew closer to him, the joy began to move into something more profound. it was as though on some level i began to recognize him and with every step become more aware of what the absence of him in my life had meant. by the time we were within arms reach, we shared a tender melancholy. he drew me in and picked me up with a warm, familiar embrace that seemed to last forever. i closed my eyes and let my head rest upon his shoulder like a child.