i was christain bale

 



Inspo., a photo by Young Buff on Flickr.

i was christain bale. i was meeting a young sharon stone at her mansion in belair for a private dinner. i was greeted at the door by a slender and poetically beautiful maid. she was dressed in a modest tiffany blue classic service outfit with a plain, cream colored cotton apron. she was warm and genuine. she informed me that sharon would be in shortly but she had prepared my favorite drink to keep me company while i waited. i was pleased and surprised. i thought, 'well, isn't it just god damn great to be a movie star...'. i had a sip of the very fine scotch and took inventory of the maid as she left the room.

i stood in the center of the large elegant mid-century modern hollywood living room and admired its impeccable restoration. the floor was a beautiful blond terrazzo with a fine dense wool carpet anchoring the space. one entire wall was floor to ceiling windows and offered my eyes a lush and expensive view that i knew few would ever be privileged enough to see. there was also no doubt in my mind that a long pedigree of young, handsome actors had taken their turn standing in this very spot over the years waiting for dates with their own A-list actresses. i was feeling pleased to be 'hollywood royalty' and wondering what the rest of the night would bring.

'hello...' said a voice behind me. i turned around and there stood sharon. she was delicate and translucent. it seemed her perfect bones were just beneath the surface of her skin. 'hello.' i smiled back. 'let me give you a tour.' she said as she reached for my hand. just then the lovely maid came in to check on any need we might have. sharon flashed an ugly, jaded micro-grimace toward the maid that i wasn't meant to see, 'leave us alone.', she hissed. the maid snapped into total professionalism, but i could see that she'd been hurt. ''of course, ms. stone.'

sharon turned back to me radiant and smiling, re-gathered my hand and led me deeper into her house. there were candles glowing everywhere. she was ready for me there was no doubt in my mind. we walked into what looked like a master bath. the tub was full of steamy, clear water with gardenias and lit candles floating on the surface. i started to gather her into me, 'no, silly, this isn't the master....'. i put my drink down and followed her like a hound on a fox hunt.

we moved through room after room until we arrived in a magnificent master bedroom. the bed had already been turned down and 20 feet beyond the edge of the bed i could see a full size swimming pool in front of the (again) floor to ceiling windows. my smile could hardly be contained. i took off my coat and started to pull off my tie as i headed for the pool. 'NO!' sharon screamed. startled, i stopped dead in my tracks. sharon grabbed my elbow and pulled me to kneel at the edge of the pool. 'it's not full, see? those are my babies'' sharon pointed into the pool and in the dwindling light coming from the magnificent windows i could see that indeed, there was only 3 feet of water in the pool- and it was alive with something. 'they're crayfish, silly! look how fast they are!' darting and jetting about were probably 50 of the brownish, crustaceans. 'but why-' i began to question. 'oh, i have to keep them separate from my shrimp or they'll eat them, see?' sharon then plucked a squirming shrimp from a nearby bowl that until now i had not seen, and dangled it above the crayfish. the water began to boil with excitement. sharon giggled, 'i told you. they go crazy!' just then a crayfish lept out of the water and grabbed the terrified shrimp from sharon's fingers. within seconds it was pulled apart and devoured by the crayfish swarm.

i stood up. it was perfectly clear to me now that sharon stone was bat-shit crazy. 'the crayfish have to go.' i ordered. her face was crestfallen and she stammered, 'what? why?' 'because i am going to fuck the shit out of you in that pool.' i answered. 'oh... ' she said, ' i can have filipe move them into the pond outside tomorrow.'

i kissed her goodbye on the forehead and told her to give me a call when it was done.