a secret

it looked as though the entire nation was in the national square. the white noise from the crowd had a joyful, hopeful sound. the colorful changing streetlights and route markers interspersed with the regularly spaced warm amber street lights shining upon the buildings and the people below in the plaza made everything seem almost christmas-y. it was hard not to feel good.

we were both a little out of breath but smiling. her secret service agents had struggled to keep pace with us as we made the steep ascent and so for a few moments when we reached the pinnacle we found ourselves alone. the vantage point was spectacular and the visual majesty alone would have been enough for anyone but me. i could not help but ask her to confirm what i already knew in my heart to be true. 'it's over isn't it?' i said. she looked at me and and then back out over the crowd. her expression dulled. 'please,' i pressed, 'i just need to hear it from you'. her minders were almost within earshot now. 'yes,' she answered quietly, 'it's over'. i nodded. at that moment we were again engulfed by her presidential protectors and no other words passed between us.

after a short while she and her entourage descended the platform without me. the night wind was warm and soft. i held myself against the rail and looked out upon the sea of creatures like me. i thought about how isolating it was to always want to know what was true instead of what was comforting, but i was flooded with feelings of love and nostalgia just the same. everyone looked beautiful, everyone felt dear to me. i decided in that moment never to tell another human soul what i knew.