angie and brad

i was working for angie and brad and everything was chaos. they couldn't stick to a plan to save their lives. there were kids everywhere and always a huge list of tasks to manage but no window in which to do it. every day got derailed by countless 'emergencies', but in the end it always wound up being something like spending an hour searching the far corners of the GIANT house for one of the kids shoes, or helping angie find out if disneyland was available for a private party right now (never...) or one of the kids had fallen into something sticky or wet and brad couldn't remember how to throw a child into a bathtub. angie never wanted to leave the house and brad was a (barely) secret pothead who would reluctantly spend hours getting dressed in his finest 'casual wear' and then wander around the house until he finally found me and confessed that he'd forgotten where he was going and what time he had to be there. every day it was like nailing jello to a wall. i was totally reaching my limit with the situation even though on a fundamental level they were sweet and cute as a family. the final straw came when i'd fallen asleep in my usual guest room (another annoying impromptu overnight...) and just as i had slipped into an exhausted R.E.M. state, angie flipped on the lights and announced that she had brought me a visitor and would i mind terribly sharing my room with her so she wouldn't be lonely? 'WHAT?! DON"T YOU HAVE 700 EMPTY BEDROOMS IN THIS PLACE?! OMFG- TAKE IT!!', i snapped. i pulled the sheets around me, grabbed my clothes and purse and phone and went to go find one of the day beds in the library (a favorite hangout of the uncountable number of sweet, doofy and impeccably groomed dogs that roamed the house). the dogs made space for me without having to ask why i'd chosen to sleep with them (dogs are good like that...). within two minutes they were all sighing and snuggling in and starting to snore again. it was comforting. i quickly fell asleep.

morning was the sound of angies voice wandering from room to room calling for me. oh god, i thought, i can't do this anymore. when she found me she laughed because i was piled under so many dogs and though my dog friends had tried not to betray my presence, as soon as they saw angie they started thumping their tales and throwing worried looks my way. i squeezed out from under the dog bodies (it had been cozy) and said to angie, ' i can't do this anymore, i'm finished.' she then went on to explain her viewpoint that my thinking was wrong and i could take it and besides tomorrow was my birthday and that they had planned something 'over the top' (how, i don't know since they couldn't even tie a shoelace without my help..). 'uh huh...uh huh...yep....NO. i'm done.' i said. i said goodbye to people and children on my way out (no hard feelings) and when i passed by the kitchen i saw an indigenous couple preparing dozens and dozens of unappetizing flat-breads (presumably for my birthday fest).

i got into my car and as i drove down the long driveway i heard angie say to brad, 'shandra's gone! ' brad made a 'phffft' sound and said 'no she's not!' I rolled down my windows and decided to take the beach home. i felt happy.

also, tomorrow was not my birthday.