kardashians

i was at a party at the kardashian's beach house. there was no ocean view from any vantage point and the mansion itself was 'shabby chic' to the point of crumbling. everything was whitewash over peeling paint and even the banisters were loose. i'd arrived mostly on time since it was a late lunch indoor/outdoor gathering but EVERYONE else was late which immediately made it excruciating since i had to interface one on one with each kardashian. i knew from previous experience that it would be nothing but painfully vapid chatter, artificially cheery posturing to the point of nausea and a display of excessive consumerism that would ultimately leave me with a hopelessness for the human race. i plastered my impenetrable work face on and moved among them like a wolf in sheep's clothing. after an hour or so the other guests started to arrive. i thought it would bring me relief, but it was only wave after wave of expensively dressed sycophants. at that point i knew i couldn't even have a glass of wine because i had to start planning my escape. the house began to fill. everyone was loud- not from unbridled joy, but from trying to grab attention. i felt my brain sliding out of my ears. i started to migrate room to room with my fake smile and untouched wine glass so people would see me and think that i was still there as i sped away down the hill. i finally made my way full circle and wound up in khloe's room. she was drunk and kept putting her face too close to mine as she was talking. i examined her veneers as she spoke to me and marveled at how poorly they were done. i could also see the faint scars of her nostril reduction and the mask-like effect of the juvederm pumped into her lips and cheeks. she looked like a young monster to me. when she turned her attention to someone else for a moment, i put down my wine glass and started down the steps. everyone gasped and it stopped me in my tracks. i looked down and the stairs just stopped with a 20 foot drop to a deck below. khloe said, 'oh no! you almost died! use the other stairs!'. i held tightly to the rickety railing, carefully turned around and made my way back up. word of my near death spread through the house like wild fire. soon i found myself in the out-dated media room smashed onto the couch with bruce and several other people. he was speaking with a serious quality to his voice but made no mention of blocking off the stairway so someone else didn't actually accidentally die. simon kept putting his arm around me and i kept sliding out of it.