mormons

i was in the land of the mormons except they were all dressed as christian fundamentalists. all the men sported short sleeve, small checked, buttoned to the neck shirts and those hybrid porno/politician/TVpreacher hair helmets and all the women wore their hair long and their shapeless blouse/skirt outfits to the floor. for them, everything was church church church and it seemed that none of them ever went home. even though they knew i wasn't 'one of them', they fed me and welcomed me with wide smiles, blank eyes and open arms. i was pretty sure they were 'love bombing' me and setting me up for the christian conversion kill, but i didn't care because i essentially had total access (with the exception of The Sacred Room) and was allowed to wander and talk to anyone. right away, my attention was drawn to a very lively teenage girl. the others told me that she had been determined to educate herself as thoroughly as possible and i thought 'oh, she doesn't buy into this crap, i'll let her know she's not alone.' when i managed to talk to her a little later, she had the same glassy look as the others. i rounded a corner and saw a man slapping a baby in the mouth in plain view of dozens of the parishioners. the baby cried so hard it could not make a sound. i grabbed the baby and just as quickly the baby was pulled from my hands and placed into the arms of the glassy-eyed mother standing nearby. everyone kept saying children had to be 'trained' and it was 'their business'. as the day passed i grew less and less concerned with being a good guest as i saw countless incidents of parents controlling the natural playful instincts of their children with words about hell or the devil or 'punishment' and i just started thinking, 'fuck these assholes'. i found my moment and went into The Sacred Room. it was covered with cheap veneered particle board wainscoting and filled with rows of Best Western maroon buffet chairs. to my right was their most treasured object; a very ugly pewter colored ceramic plate with some abstract religious representations carved into it (very 70's). it was in a well lit recessed case and rested on a piece of artistically arranged astro turf. i grabbed the plate, wrapped it carelessly in the astro turf, slung it under my arm and walked back into the main room. soon people were asking me, 'what's under your arm?' 'nothing' i answered as i reached for food from their carefully held plates and chewed with my mouth open as i stared into their eyes. soon word was spreading that their sacred object was missing. i started saying 'hey, you know i'm an atheist, right?' to anyone near me. they were all getting so frightened and within minutes their leader was standing in front of me. 'is that our sacred object under your arm?' he demanded. 'nope' i said and wandered away. apparently he recognized the astro turf now but was afraid to touch me because he thought 'atheist' meant 'devil'. i walked around knocking into things and pretending i was about to drop the plate. soon the room was dead quiet and all eyes were on me. as i neared the door i turned and said 'you know you're all just child abusing morons, right?' i held the bundle of astro turf at arms length and dropped it as i said to the leader, 'here, hold this.' he dove to catch it just before it hit the floor. i kicked open the door and gave them all the finger without looking back as i walked back into the bright day.