black cigarette

the big concern was the dogs; the house was great, but was on a corner lot and it had to be escape-proof or there would be drama in the form of loose dogs while I was at work. the back yard was perfect; tight as a drum, but the doggy door let out into the front yard which was wide open on the side next to the neighbors driveway. we were about to have a giant housewarming party and i needed the issue resolved or i would be chasing dogs all night instead of having fun. fatima brought over the 40 feet of accordion gate that i had loaned her and with the addition of a few strategically placed zip ties, the issue was resolved.

people started arriving and because it was new orleans, there was absolute spectacle with the drag of some of the guests. it was wonderful. i ran to get my camera and was soon capturing incredible images.i looked down and saw a worried little mabel at my feet as i stood in the street. the fat little corgi, peepa was all over the place. i had to stop taking pictures and sort the dogs out. it was irritating because i thought i had addressed that issue and i just wanted to meet people and have fun.

at that point, a criminal hotshot arrived. he thought he was dressed to the nines, but he was actually dressed like a corny pimp; matching hat/suit/shoes etc. i somehow found out that he had the intent to murder someone at my party. when he gathered up few willing girls to ride in his ghetto-fabulous car, i slipped in too hoping i could direct the journey permanently away from my house and keep everyone safe. he seemed to accept my presence and was soon complaining about his missing toe. one of the girls said, 'oh, you can have mine! it comes right off!' and with that she slipped out of her heel and began to twist at the base of her toe. i was repulsed and morbidly curious. the toe of course did not come off and she seemed truly surprised and frustrated. 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry...' she kept saying to the criminal. the criminal had feigned indifference but i saw that he'd kept one eye on the road and a sly eye on her struggle to detach her toe. 'whatever.' he said and went back to his driving. i could tell that he had wanted to see blood. soon we were loading out at some crappy little liquor store and he was shopping for long, thin, pitch-black cigarettes. i was sure it would wind up in a city-wide search that would eat up his night and he would forget all about my housewarming party. i was on the cusp of happily slipping out of the group and catching a cab back to my party when the skinny clerk magically produced them from behind the counter. 'shit.' i thought. soon we were all back in the car and heading directly back to my house. the smoke from his lit cigarette tasted like absinthe in my mouth and i was feeling angry. i understood that he had every intention of ruining my party. i was totally finished trying to finesse the situation. i thought, 'fine, fucker, i'm calling the cops when we get back to the house. they can show you the hard way.'