pitbull

i was on a date with pitbull. he spent the entire night referring to himself in the third person and giving me his 'killer sexy looks'- except he wasn't sexy. he was like a harmless but annoying uncle at a quinceanera who (because he is dressed in a suit) thinks he is irresistible and keeps grabbing the karaoke mic from everyone in the mistaken belief that his version will bring the house down. the other thing he kept talking about was how women were constantly throwing themselves at him but that he had to be careful because of who he was and he wanted to be sure i didn't fall in love with him tonight. i said, what? and i laughed. then he got all serious and gave me a long speech about how i was different than other women he had known (mind you i hadn't said anything but 'what?' all night...) and that he thought maybe we could fall in love, but i had to wait to have sex with him because he had to be sure i wasn't after him for his power, fame and money. by the time he finished his speech i felt sorry for him because he had dropped enough clues to indicate that he had some kind of sexual dysfunction and was simply living a life of total overcompensation to try and cover it up. i gently patted him on the shoulder and said, 'don't worry sweetie, i've led a huge life. i'm in no danger of losing myself in you.' i smiled at him and he seemed relieved that i obviously understood the core issue. just then simon pulled up in the bus. he had just returned from some political rally and the whole bus was full of geeky looking people in costume who were still carrying the placards they had waived around all day. simon waited patiently while i said goodbye to pitbull and then opened the bus door and tried to convince me to come to his next cockamamie rally. i said no thank you, but i'm glad you had fun. i backed away from the bus politely deflecting the attempts of his friends to engage me in conversation.